A Grammar Lesson for Reality Stars

Scott and I don’t subscribe to cable television. We’re happy to watch Nova documentaries and Star Trek reruns on Netflix every night. However, I have a little bit of a weak spot for crappy reality television. Let’s just say I cried for a week when “The Hills” was canceled. Okay, not really. But I did love that show! (I loved “The City,” too!)

Ever since Hulu came to the forefront, I’ve been able to cure my reality itch much more easily. Specifically, I like to watch “The Bachelor” and “Bachelor Pad.” (I know, I know - soooo wrong!) Anyway, the one thing that drives me ABSOLUTELY F***ING CRAZY is the HORRIBLE grammar used on these shows! I have seriously asked myself if ABC hired some well-meaning staffer to give these people pointers on how to speak on television…only, this person does what most people do and uses “I” improperly just because he or she thinks it SOUNDS smarter. SO, in the meantime, America is spending countless hours watching this crap and learning to speak poorly.

Blah. Thank you, mainstream media.

With that, I’d like to offer up my solution to the problem. Here’s a little grammar lesson for our friends in Reality Land (which, ironically, is anything but). I really hope this helps. REALLY. (Ahem, Brad Womack, that means you. And you, too, Kasey and Vienna.)

First, let’s review our pronouns. There are subjective ones that are used in the subjects of sentences. Objective ones are used in the predicate and/or as objects of prepositional phrases. (Remember prepositions? Anything you can do to a log - over, under, beside, etc…but also for, with, of, etc.).

Now that we’re all clear on that, let’s jump right into some examples. You’ll see that I’ve included a substitute after every example. The easiest way to determine whether you should use “I” or “me” in a sentence is to substitute the word in question with the subjective “we” or the objective “us.” Check it out:

Here’s another example. In this sentence, “for” is a preposition. “Kasey” and “I” are the OBJECTS of the preposition. Therefore, we use the objective pronoun. If you substitute we/us, you’ll see it’s easy to determine which word is correct.

NOW, that’s not to say that there isn’t a correct usage of “I.” It SHOULD be used in the subjects of sentences, as seen here:

So what about that pesky “myself?” For example, “This date was perfect for Holly and myself.” PLEASE NO! While not technically incorrect, this is a really bad usage of an otherwise good word. To me, it says, “I think I should use the objective form of this pronoun, but all the idiots around me will think I’m ignorant even though I’m the smart one. So, I’m going to take the high road and use ‘myself’ to keep everyone guessing.”

Just don’t do it. Please. Do it for America - use the right pronoun!